Wednesday, January 30, 2008

Research Shows Birth Frequently Follows Cervix Dilation


This just in...
Sources tell Newscenterplexdoppler Live 5 that PW (AKA: Mom, Patti Watti, and from time to time, Damnit Patti), spouse of world famous Communications and Public Relations Guru, BuckeyeTimmy, is two centimeters dilated.

For further information, we go to Roger in the Live Super Newsplex Doppler Live Newsroom Center Room Plex...

Thanks Will...
According to sources wishing to remain anonymous, one centimeter equals 10 millimeters.
Back to you Will...

Thanks Roger...
For further information, we now go Live to Janet at the Greenville Hospital System.

Will, after days of research with local authorities, local physicians, and local locals, Newscenterplexdoppler Live 5 has learned that cervix dilation is an indicator of impending birth of a new baby. We have also learned that when dilation begins, birth of a new baby will be coming soon.

Thanks Janet for the in-depth and detailed report... (turn, take camera 2)

In other news...
College is expensive...Fatty foods are bad for you...And it rains in the Spring...

And speaking of rain, Natalie has a few nasty little clouds to tell us about....


Wednesday, January 9, 2008

Death of the Arcade - My Tribute to the End of the 80s Video Game

Summer - 1984: Sweat beading. My expression reveals razor focus. THIS time I knew it was going to happen. AAA would very soon be replaced with TDW. And then I would be number uno...and the talk of the small-town teen tabloids.

Throughout the 80s I pumped what probably amounted to thousands of dollars into the likes of Tempest, Defender, Asteroids, Missile Command, Joust, and various pinball machines. I loved it. We all loved it. Mechanical Madness was the name of the arcade in Rittman, Ohio.

Fast forward 24-ish years to an under-lighted, dank warehouse in Greenville, SC. Brisk rain understates this day.

Fred Collins was the undisputed Arcade King and Video Poker Magnate of Upstate, SC until his death a few years back. In December 2007, Collins Entertainment held a huge arcade auction, the kind that is advertised throughout the United States.

Inside was THE score for any 80s arcade junkie who didn't mind melting endless spoons full of his tincture du jor mixed and matched from whatever necessary in order to get that fix. Few were plug-n-play. Thousands were available. All were covered with various forms of debris.

This was the funeral.

Tuesday, January 8, 2008

Bush Addresses UN, Cries

Call me an insensitive pig. I don’t care.

Imagine seeing the above headline in the NY Times or the WP (the insensitive pig musing isn’t that to which I refer).

Picture George Bush making his case for war to the UN, (take camera two) and a tight shot of the President of the United States of America with tears running down his cheek.

I have nothing personal against George or Hillary. I’m neither endorsing nor berating any party. And I believe that the decision-making emotional side of women keeps love alive and many of the world populous from killing one another.

I also believe that the majority of people view perception as reality.

When it comes right down to it, I don’t want any world nation to view the United States as a country that cries, EVER.

Don’t get me wrong, crying is a good thing. There is a lot of stress in the ever-day lives of every-day people. I would expect to see a president or a presidential candidate cry at, say, the funeral of a loved one. But that’s about it.

I haven’t made my decision yet, and I probably won’t until the chad puncher (or stylus in SC) is in my hand. I will vote while preserving the responsibility of being informed voter. I will vote for whomever I believe will best serve our nation. I will not vote for someone who cannot keep emotionally in check when the cameras are rolling.

There is no crying in baseball.