Open Arms To God

Open Arms to God | Jamaica Plain, MA | April 2009

f16 | ISO 200 | 1/500

The Good, The Bad, and The Beautiful

6:05 a.m.

THE GOOD
A Beautiful New Girl Comes Into Our World

THE BAD

Seems we were a bit too late getting to the hospital. We made it, and our daughter was born without incident. However, there were no drugs....“It’s like grappling hooks pulling your insides out.”

THE BEAUTIFUL

Reese Crawford | Wednesday, February 06, 2008 | 3:23am | 6lbs. 10oz. | 18.5 in | All is Well

~More Later~

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11:52 a.m.

I've seen a person experience something that I must claim, simply as an observer, as probably one of the greatest physical pains imaginable. It was my wife, and it made me cry.

I've also experienced, as a participant this time, one of the greatest moments of joy that life can offer. It, too, made me cry.

I've sent and/or received no less than 20 texts, 15 phone calls, 9 emails, and extensive and brief IM conversations. I've posted to my blog twice with text and a photo slide show and have entertained numerous visitors.

I've shot 50 photos, 45 minutes of video, and conducted a business conversation over instant messenger.

I've been awake for 30 hours.

So what, right? Nothing, really. However, right now my wife and new daughter are sleeping soundly. My new Big Sister has already made an appearance and is now playing with friends. All are happy and healthy. As such, my adventures du jour are nothing more than a pebble in my shoe.

God has protected us on this day.

~More Later~

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02.07.08 - 12:30p

Baby Watch 2008 Part II: Reality, Firsts, and Trusting That Feeling

Reality
I spent the night at home with Big Sister, which made me feel like a little funky. The reality of the situation is that momma and I are trying to keep Big Sister on a normal schedule. This, to the dismay of Big Sister, does not include skipping the school for the rest of the week.

That funky feeling comes as a result of leaving momma and Little Sister alone. Everyone knows that they would both vaporize without the presence of the protector and provider, Big Daddy.

Yep. Sure enough. Yep. They sure would. Yep.

Okay, I know that they are probably 2.754 quadrillion times safer surrounded by 24/7 healthcare professionals specifically trained to take care of such people during such a time.

I just want to be there, that’s all.

Firsts
I added Little Sister folder into the Family Photo Archive last night. That excited me. I quickly realized, after perusing the entire digital photo folio, I will soon need to reserve a small alcove within my home for the storage of hard drives. At current count, I have approximately 10,000 digital photos, half of which are of Big Sister.

The other first came this morning. I wrote an excused absence note, a legitimate one (for once), because Big Sister missed school yesterday. When was it that I became an adult?

~Epstein’s Mother

That Little Feeling
That little feeling; you know the one I’m talking about. Christians might refer to it as The Holy Spirit. It’s often called intuition, instinct, or maybe a sixth sense. Patti and I hadn’t talked about it but it turns out we were both feeling it.

In discussions previous, we decided that momma would have a tubal ligation (tubaligation?) right after Little Sister was born. The doc said it could be done quickly and easily and that he would simply leave the epidural in after birth so the procedure could be completed that day or the next.

Easy enough. Done and done!

Well, there was no epidural. As such, momma would be put to sleep under general anesthesia, would not be allowed food or drink for eight hours before surgery and be put on a when-we-get-to-you elective surgery list. We agreed, and she began fasting immediately because they said she would be first on the list that morning. Keep in mind that she had just given birth naturally, with no drugs, and she wasn’t allowed any water or food until after her 7am procedure.

That procedure was moved to 11am, and then to “later afternoon”, and then to “it might have to be tomorrow.” She opted for the “tomorrow” option immediately, about 12 hours after giving birth. Had my arm been a chicken wing and my blood, water, she wouldn’t have given me even the slightest of second chances.

Only then did we begin to speak of “that little feeling”. Long story a little less long, she…we…decided to opt out of the surgery completely. We’re not sure why, and we have no intention on having additonal children. We decided that the Holy Spirit was directing both of us through “that little feeling” and a series of “circumstance” that could not be ignored. We went with it.

All Photography

All Video

A Grape -or- Just Shy of Buckeye Size

God is great. If that first sentence turns you off and causes you to stop reading, well, you’re going to miss it.

Now, where was I? Oh, yeah, those things that define greatness. My wife is one of them. Our rabbit hole seemed to once equate in scale to Sizemore’s abuse issues or the brilliance of the iPhone marketing team. It wasn’t much longer than a year ago.

Kids, too, are fantastic. Only a child can, without forethought, stick a streamer of toilet paper in her bottom and prance around the house proudly exclaiming her likeness to a pony.

Believe as you will, but without God there is no understanding of true forgiveness or sacrifice or grace. Without God, my wife and I would not have been able to forgive one another. Without forgiveness, our daughter would have grown up in a broken family, halving her auto amusements and purposeful attempts of levity between two homes. And without my wife and my daughter, my life would seem pointless.

So what’s the point? The point is the grace of the Lord and the riches that it brings. The point is the true meaning of love brought forth as a child teaches you to be a parent. The point is an understanding that family makes one whole. And the point is represented in the picture above. If you don’t get it, zoom out by clicking here.

The Church of the Golden Teapot

What is it about God that frightens non-Christian people?

WAIT….Before I go any further, I’m going to predict that my brothers and sisters in Christ are going to smile and appreciate this post. My non-Christian friends are going to think I’ve completely been brainwashed and have gone over the edge. Whatever—to both groups. I write to think, and not to spark opinion of others. (But go ahead and comment. That’s the most amusing part of blogging, ya know.)

“Why did [God] let Hitler kill all the Jews? He sounds like a big co*k to me.”

“He lets ONLY those who believe in him be saved? What happens to the other people in the world? Sounds like an a**hole.”

These are two of many such comments that came from the lips of one of my close friends. Another referred to my belief in my Savior as no different than someone worshiping a small golden teapot that revolves around Mars. You can't see this teapot. You just have to have faith that it's there, and that it will "fix" that which is broken or needed. The Church of the Golden Teapot quickly became the new name of said religion.

Now, some people might get upset at such comments, possibly even a few in the bar area of the restaurant in which we were sitting as evident by one of GROBs subdivision neighbors (or some similar relationship) commenting on the acoustic level of his rant. As for me, I respect his agnostic opinion. He has every right to question anything he wishes, but I’m certainly not going to tackle the Hitler question—or anything similar. Why won’t I? It’s simple; I have no idea.

Lets get one thing straight; I’m not one to spout scripture or give reason to seemingly unanswerable questions. I did, however, offer to explain how God works in my life and how my faith has helped my family and me get back on track. I could have given the It’s-God’s-will answer, but that would have been akin to me kicking him squa in da nuts, mmmkay.

And there is another thing. I consider GROB a great friend. He stuck beside me through some hard times in my life, and I pray for him during the hard times in his. He is also one of the funniest MFers I’ve ever known. Our differing beliefs will never deter me from our friendship.

Circling back to the question at hand, GROB is one to investigate and/or challenge everything; it’s in the nature of both our souls. But he chooses to judge the Christian belief versus investigating it. As he once told me, his attitude regarding Christianity is based on a childhood question he asked of his pastor. At age 10, he asked what becomes of non-Christians when they die. The pastor’s response made him turn away from the church and shun any further teaching of the Word of God.

Why is he (or others) afraid to go to church, listen, learn, and then form an opinion using adult rational? I want to know what it is that frightens non-believers out of the slightest consideration of attending anything with the word church as even a small descriptor of event XXXXX?

Just because you attend church doesn’t make you a Christian. It’s not that simple. The people from my church pressure no one to change/invent their faith, ever. The leaders of my church are educators of Christianity. They are Christians, too. It’s kinda like FOX; they teach and let you decide. There is no pressure from the congregation to “change your evil ways”. They are good people who love, and teach, and support. If you choose not to listen, fine. If you choose to argue a point, fine. There will be no judgment. And you’re still welcome to come to our services, meetings, family events, groups, trips, BBQs, or whatever. There is no “C” tattooed on anyone. No one questions why YOU are here. They’re just glad you could come, and then they will invite you back. I simply don’t understand from where all the fear comes.

The photo above is something that I made the day after GROB and I had our discussion. I did it to illustrate just how wrong I believe GROB’s opinion to be…And before you comment on how hypocritical I am because you believe that I am judging someone, try to remember that there is a difference between respecting an opinion and believing that it's misguided.

~Click the photo to make it bigger. It's certainly worth it.~